Last night I was pretty angry and sad. So angry, in fact, that my hands are shaking.
What are the things that make me angry? Not just irritated, but actually angry. My blog has been made available to people who know me so I won’t go into details. Suffice it to say: I’m angry. Although, writing this is starting to have a calming effect on me.
How much anger is acceptable? And what actions resulting from anger are acceptable? For example, I do not believe that my anger excuses me to start yelling and hurling abuse at people. But do I instead keep my feelings completely to myself? Am I supposed to be a doormat? I don’t think so.
But what if my anger is actually rooted in selfishness? Just because someone has acted in a way that does not match up to my values, does that make me right and the other person wrong?
The thing I am most wary of is that if we do not deal with anger effectively it can morph into resentment, and that is never good.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
jealousy?
Oh I was thinking about how silly jealousy is. Jealousy, like worrying, is a symptom of insanity. If you really and truly love someone, then the idea of them leaving you isn’t scary. If you truly love someone, then you want their happiness. If their happiness isn’t with you, then you must accept it. You don’t have to be happy or excited about it, but you must be at peace with it.
So many people get jealous and worry that their partner is going to leave them for someone else. But, if you love your partner, and they would be happier with someone else, wouldn’t you want them to experience that? Would you rather your partner be less happy, and stay with you? Would you want to hold your partner captive against their will? A relationship like that isn’t about the other person–it is about you. And a relationship that is about you, isn’t a relationship at all. It’s not love. It’s using someone. It is self-serving. It is the anti-love.
And that’s how I feel about jealousy.
So many people get jealous and worry that their partner is going to leave them for someone else. But, if you love your partner, and they would be happier with someone else, wouldn’t you want them to experience that? Would you rather your partner be less happy, and stay with you? Would you want to hold your partner captive against their will? A relationship like that isn’t about the other person–it is about you. And a relationship that is about you, isn’t a relationship at all. It’s not love. It’s using someone. It is self-serving. It is the anti-love.
And that’s how I feel about jealousy.
Monday, February 23, 2009
24th Feb 2009
I think pain and pleasure are flip sides of the same coin. Whenever there is pleasure, pain is lurking. The line is so thin. Love and hate are the same way. Just look at relationships. Look how quickly a loving relationship can become hateful. Really, there is no duality. Pain can not exist without pleasure, or light without dark.
There is only one.
And really, we create pain and pleasure in our minds. They aren’t real. There is only one reality, and that is love.
There is only one.
And really, we create pain and pleasure in our minds. They aren’t real. There is only one reality, and that is love.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Do u wanna know?
I received a question from a fren on FB and he posed me this question:
Would you want to know the date of the day on which you’ll die?
As for me, I tend to look at in two ways. Bad and Good.
I would say yes, simply because if I knew when I was going to die I would most likely look at my life in a whole different sense. Actually I know i would. I mean come on someone says your going to die on lets say Oct 5th,2009. You would just be like "Whoaaaa…stop the train." and just think about stuff and I think it would really make someone look at their motives, ambitions, and goals in a whole new light. I think they would really look deep down to it and think about what is most important to them and I think that they would do whatever it took to reach it.
And I would say No, because I honestly dont want to know when I am going to die. I feel that I am doing the most i can with my life and the time i have been given. And lets be serious, life is not handed to you, it is a priviledge in my eyes. And I think that if you really do charish life you will do the best you can and you will strive for what you want out of life. Because I know I would be leaving so much and so many people behind whom I love and care deeply for, and it would break my heart.
Some other people however, would want to know so they could cherish their time with them, and i mean i guess in a sense i would too you know. But for me, im fine and content living my life day to day, to the fullest extent possible. And i will keep doing so, and if the time comes when i die, then it happens. Its life, you lose people and gain people everyday, you just have to make the choice to strive in whatever u do no matter what.
Thanks for the question! It was a good! I reckon one of the greatest mistakes we make in life is to focus on our losses and forget that we gained something in the first place. There are no guarantees in this life. The only certainty is the good fortune we’ve had in just being born.
Would you want to know the date of the day on which you’ll die?
As for me, I tend to look at in two ways. Bad and Good.
I would say yes, simply because if I knew when I was going to die I would most likely look at my life in a whole different sense. Actually I know i would. I mean come on someone says your going to die on lets say Oct 5th,2009. You would just be like "Whoaaaa…stop the train." and just think about stuff and I think it would really make someone look at their motives, ambitions, and goals in a whole new light. I think they would really look deep down to it and think about what is most important to them and I think that they would do whatever it took to reach it.
And I would say No, because I honestly dont want to know when I am going to die. I feel that I am doing the most i can with my life and the time i have been given. And lets be serious, life is not handed to you, it is a priviledge in my eyes. And I think that if you really do charish life you will do the best you can and you will strive for what you want out of life. Because I know I would be leaving so much and so many people behind whom I love and care deeply for, and it would break my heart.
Some other people however, would want to know so they could cherish their time with them, and i mean i guess in a sense i would too you know. But for me, im fine and content living my life day to day, to the fullest extent possible. And i will keep doing so, and if the time comes when i die, then it happens. Its life, you lose people and gain people everyday, you just have to make the choice to strive in whatever u do no matter what.
Thanks for the question! It was a good! I reckon one of the greatest mistakes we make in life is to focus on our losses and forget that we gained something in the first place. There are no guarantees in this life. The only certainty is the good fortune we’ve had in just being born.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Real happiness
Are you happy? Why?
Because you got a nice gift? Because you’re with family? Because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Well, then you’re actually miserable. If the source of your happiness can be taken away, you’re not really happy. And of course, when I say happiness I don’t mean a smile on your face. I mean a deeper, inner happiness. A sense of peace with life.
If you’re happy for a reason, that reason can be taken away. Your gift could break. Your family could die. Your partner may leave you. True happiness isn’t based on externals. It comes from within.
Dig deep. Let’s be happy not because.
Because you got a nice gift? Because you’re with family? Because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Well, then you’re actually miserable. If the source of your happiness can be taken away, you’re not really happy. And of course, when I say happiness I don’t mean a smile on your face. I mean a deeper, inner happiness. A sense of peace with life.
If you’re happy for a reason, that reason can be taken away. Your gift could break. Your family could die. Your partner may leave you. True happiness isn’t based on externals. It comes from within.
Dig deep. Let’s be happy not because.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Relationships
In our lives, we have many relationships. We have relationships with our signficant other(s). We have relationships with family members and friends. Ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Coworkers and bosses. Neighbours. Facebook friends. We even have a relationship with our job. Our gym membership. In a nutshell, it’s relationships galore.
Some of those relationships are fulfilling; they inspire us to be the best version of our self and to live a meaningful life. And some of these relationships are un-fulfilling; they’re toxic. When we cultivate these relationships, we cultivate feelings of discomfort or even anger in our lives. These relationships are not conducive to a meaningful life.
It’s time to be honest with ourselves and identify the toxicity in our lives. It’s difficult to be honest when the toxicity comes from someone close, especially a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner.
I still remb when i m in high school, my teacher would tell us that the people around us are like food. Some people are allergic to tomatoes. It doesn’t make tomatoes bad - they’re just not for you. Likewise, some people are allergic to other people. It doesn’t make those other people bad or any less beautiful - it just means that they aren’t for you.
Without judgement, we can identify our toxic relationships. It takes two to tango, and no relationship can survive without your participation in it.
Some of those relationships are fulfilling; they inspire us to be the best version of our self and to live a meaningful life. And some of these relationships are un-fulfilling; they’re toxic. When we cultivate these relationships, we cultivate feelings of discomfort or even anger in our lives. These relationships are not conducive to a meaningful life.
It’s time to be honest with ourselves and identify the toxicity in our lives. It’s difficult to be honest when the toxicity comes from someone close, especially a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner.
I still remb when i m in high school, my teacher would tell us that the people around us are like food. Some people are allergic to tomatoes. It doesn’t make tomatoes bad - they’re just not for you. Likewise, some people are allergic to other people. It doesn’t make those other people bad or any less beautiful - it just means that they aren’t for you.
Without judgement, we can identify our toxic relationships. It takes two to tango, and no relationship can survive without your participation in it.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
hmmm
Accusations, whether they’re accurate or not, happen all the time. Once in a while, they happen to us. I am not an exceptional here. They're wrong and I can look myself in the mirror knowing the truth.
Who I am and what I do, that will win out in time. I know it's normal to feel a twinge of guilt even if you're completely innocent. We always hear about guilt by association. But there is also guilt by accusation. People hear something negative and tend to believe it. If you accuse a person unfairly, he/she still has that twinge — just from having the finger pointed at him/her.
The hardest part might just be picking up the pieces of your shattered sense of self-worth.
Who I am and what I do, that will win out in time. I know it's normal to feel a twinge of guilt even if you're completely innocent. We always hear about guilt by association. But there is also guilt by accusation. People hear something negative and tend to believe it. If you accuse a person unfairly, he/she still has that twinge — just from having the finger pointed at him/her.
The hardest part might just be picking up the pieces of your shattered sense of self-worth.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Only you
I have had a few occasions recently that I have heard people blame their life’s problems on other people. Many people hold on to bitterness gained in their childhood. They blame their parents for everything that has happened in their lives. But really once you are an adult, you can make your own choices. No one is holding you to the behaviors of your parents anymore. I hate it when people excuse their behavior by blaming their parents.
I know a fren who struggles financially and he blames the state of his finances on his parents. He is forever whinging with his $. When i asked him why is this happening and his reply is: “They never taught me how to manage money”. This man didn’t have the best parents in the world, but he had everything given to him. He had nice clothes, a nice home, cars bought for him. Yet he still blames his parents for his failings in life? Geez! How could that be?
I'm not gonna talk about my parents, and all i can say is that i don’t want to be a carbon copy of my father, or my mother. That idea just depresses me. We do get to choose. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to get out of the cycle, stagnation of our lives and do better. Attitude is a big part of it. Because in the end, the only person you have to blame or congratulate for your life is you!
I know a fren who struggles financially and he blames the state of his finances on his parents. He is forever whinging with his $. When i asked him why is this happening and his reply is: “They never taught me how to manage money”. This man didn’t have the best parents in the world, but he had everything given to him. He had nice clothes, a nice home, cars bought for him. Yet he still blames his parents for his failings in life? Geez! How could that be?
I'm not gonna talk about my parents, and all i can say is that i don’t want to be a carbon copy of my father, or my mother. That idea just depresses me. We do get to choose. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to get out of the cycle, stagnation of our lives and do better. Attitude is a big part of it. Because in the end, the only person you have to blame or congratulate for your life is you!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Looking things in a different perspective
The labels of "God" don’t resonate with me - it’s neither good nor bad, it’s just not my path to truth. However, i believed that one of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." It resonated with me.
I’ve always wondered what the pious masses thought about unanswered prayers. There are many times in life when things don’t go our way. I really, really wanted a job that I wanted when I graduated. From a pool of god knows how many applicants, I was one of three candidates for the job. Nup,I didn’t get it. And was crushed.
Looking back, I realize that my unanswered prayer (though I’d never call it a prayer) was, in fact, a great gift from the universe. If I had been given the job, I’d not be where I am today, doing what I love so much. The universe had much bigger plans for me. And though I was unable to see it in the moment, not getting the job was a gift.
Things don’t always go the way we think they should go. Shit happens, right? It’s never easy to lose a loved one, get fired from a job or be diagnosed with an illness or disease. But as we expand and widen our perspective, we can learn to see the beauty (yes, beauty) in each of our challenges or hardships. Maybe the gift is dissolving fear. Or understanding death. Or finding a new career path, or anything else, ya know..
I’ve always wondered what the pious masses thought about unanswered prayers. There are many times in life when things don’t go our way. I really, really wanted a job that I wanted when I graduated. From a pool of god knows how many applicants, I was one of three candidates for the job. Nup,I didn’t get it. And was crushed.
Looking back, I realize that my unanswered prayer (though I’d never call it a prayer) was, in fact, a great gift from the universe. If I had been given the job, I’d not be where I am today, doing what I love so much. The universe had much bigger plans for me. And though I was unable to see it in the moment, not getting the job was a gift.
Things don’t always go the way we think they should go. Shit happens, right? It’s never easy to lose a loved one, get fired from a job or be diagnosed with an illness or disease. But as we expand and widen our perspective, we can learn to see the beauty (yes, beauty) in each of our challenges or hardships. Maybe the gift is dissolving fear. Or understanding death. Or finding a new career path, or anything else, ya know..
