Alvy the boy

I am sick!

2010-01-31T03:18:00.000-08:00

I am sick. Down with a bad flu, fever and sorethroat!

Its been a long time since I got sick this bad.

Problem is I cannot afford to take medical leave.

The one time I got sick enough to take medical leave, the one time I cannot afford to take any.

Argh..

CU**S

2010-01-28T06:35:00.000-08:00

Humans, people, are the worst kind of animals that ever roamed earth. There are people, and there are people. People who live on a daily dosage of self arrogance and wear so many layers of masks that you never know for sure what is real. People who scheme behind your back and befriend you on the front. People who will not think twice to stab you deeply as they smile along with you. People who are always agreeing with you on the front and yet badmouthing you when your back is turned.

These are people who will do anything to see you fall and yet appear like your best friends. These are the survivals of our world, people who will not think twice in hurting you in order to survive. I hate it. Absolutely hated it. A pack of cunts!

Being understanding and respectful

2010-01-23T06:12:00.000-08:00

Understanding, such a simple word and yet often not used enough. Why is it so difficult for us to be able to understand the people around you, why they are doing the things that they do and why they are reacting the way they are reacting? Sometimes all it takes is a little open-mindedness and a little sensitivity for us to put ourselves in the shoes of the people around you to avoid any misunderstandings and any unhappiness.

Sometimes, a little understanding and sensitivity are all it needs in the family but it would seem that such simple attibutes are sorely lacking in mine. I am so tired of these all. Not gonna spill the beans yet but those that are close to me will know what i am talking about..

Well.. such a life and family..

End of the world?

2010-01-21T07:17:00.000-08:00

I watched the show 2012 on DVD again. For those uninitiated, that is a another Armageddon themed show, just that it really out-do its predecessors with lots and lots of very good cinematography and stunning scenes of massive destructions. There were also scenes of good byes, teary regrets etc; those scenes always tug my heart when I saw it. How does anyone ever, ever know how to break the news to your loved ones that you are not gonna see them anymore? Its quite possibly the most cruel thing that anyone can do to their loved ones.

Then, I began to ask myself, what will I do if I know that today is my last day on earth?

Quite possibly, the first thing that will come to my mind will be how much regrets will I have and followed by how deep are these regrets. Because I strongly believe that every single human have regrets at some point in their life, one way or another. One who has no regrets in his life is either too egoistic to admit or have not really live his life at all. I for one tend to believe that its usually the former.

If you have not catch this show, rent, buy, borrow, steal or whatever. U have to watch this at least once! Ok, I am dozing off here now, so gonna and go lie on my bed. Perhaps you should too.

love is all around us

2010-01-18T06:17:00.000-08:00

Everybody have something to say about love. As for me, love is about acceptance, compromise, joy and affection. Love is about companionship. Love conquers all. But when the love is gone it is painful. They said that if you love someone, you should let him go. If he comes back to you, then he is yours. If he doesn’t, then he was never meant to be.

Let him go, you can’t really hold on to someone who doesn’t want you anymore, so there is no point in holding on. Of course it is hurt to let go, no one ever said it would be easy. If a man cannot pick out the gem from among the stones, then he cannot be a very wise and worthy man. If he/she can’t see you as the better man/woman, then maybe, there is a better man/woman out there for you.

So cheer up! Its not the end of the world yet ok?

being selfish

2010-01-16T04:39:00.000-08:00

When someone once told me that humans inherently are bad, I find that hard to believe. At that point of time, I was still a naive boy I guess. Then I believe that humans are inherently, well human. We are good inside, and we are not selfish. Never did it struck me that we are inherently black, bad and gross.

As the years go by, my beliefs have changed. I was picked upon, I was kicked upon when I was down and while trying to pick myself up, I was kicked further down and stepped upon.

When I needed help, there was none available. There were those who purposely choose to take advantage of me when I was down and asking for help.

In the end, I can only count on myself, there is no one to depend upon.

Its time I become a selfish person too. Its time I turn into something disgusting to save myself.

I do not think I am going to like it at all.

Sorry, i am just sick of my life..

You are on candid camera!

2010-01-14T07:25:00.000-08:00

Some days, we may just feel like frowning. Maybe something ‘bad’ has happened. A loss of some sort. Maybe you did something you’re not proud of. Maybe the cop stopped you for speeding, and wrote you a ticket. Bad day at work. Relationship woes. A myriad of possibilities.

As bad as life may seem, we actually really have it pretty good. Each one of us. Can you think of anyone who is worse off than you right now? I’m sure you probably can. And that there is reason enough for us to cheer up, and be happy. We all can choose how we live our lives. One of those choices is our general outlook we have. What do u want to potray?

Even if you are already happy, see if there’s a way you can offer, even just one more smile to the world. You can shine a light for others, just through the simple act of a smile. I reckon a smile is something that when given away does not take away from the giver. Great reminder that we can make a great impact with such a small gesture. One thing’s for sure: when you smile, people smile back. It’s extremely rare to smile at someone and not have them smile back at you.

Sometimes, when I go grocery shopping, and I notice the checkout person is stressed, I like to smile at them and ask them how they are. Works every time. See the power of smile? So, if you don't have a smile, i will give u one of mine!

I AM SMILING AT YOU NOW.

Its now, not past and not the future

2010-01-13T18:07:00.000-08:00

I used to be a perfectionist. I guess I still am sometimes. I’m not your usual perfectionist though. I’ll wait for the perfect time to do something.

Like… “When I’m feeling good, have a good hair day, and someoen smiles at me, and I’m full of confidence, than I’ll go approach him or her and say hi”. And when its 9am, and the weather is good, and I’m not feeling tired, I’ll go running.

Of course, more likely than not, these doesn’t happen. And well, nothing happens. I don’t approach the people who smile at me, I don’t run. There is no place like here, and no time like now. We exist and live here and now, not in the future or the past.

Past experiences are important to guide us in future events, but it is not everything.
The future is important, but it means nothing if we don’t act now! More often than not I realise that by not doing anything now, the opportunity slips us by and never comes back again.
Especially if you wait for the perfect moment to do something.

Take it from me. I’ve waited for too long… to feel good, for the weather to be fine, whatever.They say that good things happen to people who wait. I say that’s rubbish. I waited too long waaaaay too many times and nothing usually happens. If anything, the thing I’m waiting for NEVER comes!

Good things happen to people who ACT, not wait! Yet of course, please don’t go charging at everything. Remember to think things out before acting. But don’t wait too long, or that window of opportunity may be gone forever. I have been there done that. FML..

Happy 2010!!!

2010-01-10T05:48:00.000-08:00

WOW! Been so long and its finally 2010!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!

What i have learnt in the past year is that majority of people are selfish pieces of shit that forget everything that had any meaning, and forget that you ever existed. Also, people only want to use you so they can excel in life.

For 2010, i have many many plans. My first plan is that I am going to continue my education and get some good accounting certifications. If all goes well, I should be done in a couple of years and would possess in my hands something really powerful. Afterward, if things go really well, I will be enhancing my career and moving on to bigger and better things.

I learned so much in the past decade, that when I look back, I am still dumbfounded that I have survived it. So, if I wanted to continue this change, I would try to see what other talents I have. What else am I capable of achieving in this life? I am not going to stop or ever plan to. I want to be something in life, and I want it big. I know I am smart, patient, and ready for the challenges. So I can do it.

Last but not least,

Happy 2010! You all deserve happiness if you really wanted to.

MERRY X'MAS!

2009-12-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I always wonder what exactly is ‘Xmas’. Yeah, we all know it stands for the celebration on 25th December but why Xmas instead of the actual spelling of… Christmas? Do you all know why? Are you all curious?

From what I understand, the ‘x’ in the Xmas equation is akin to the ‘x’ in algebra. It simply means the ‘x’ in the Xmas equation can be anything you want it to be. Yes, if you think Xmas is the short-form of Christmas, you're wrong...

Christmas is spelt as “Christ”-mas because it is the date of the birth of Jesus Christ, which made 25th December a religious festival. Christ is the centre of it all. But the world has commercialised the day so extravagantly that it became nothing more than a season to let loose ourselves to shop, eat and party.

Therefore, Xmas to you can be shoppingmas, or perhaps feastmas, or to some… holidaymas. That is what the world wants Christmas to be. But yet, amidst it all, Christmas is the most unique religious celebration of all. Why? That’s probably a discussion for another day.

Today, I want to say that Christ is still the X for my Xmas… it is still Christmas to me. And I want to wish all Christian readers a very Blessed Christmas.

You can do it!

2009-12-18T04:10:00.000-08:00

When I was little, everyone would always tell me that I could do anything that I wanted. Adults would tell me that I could achieve anything, go anywhere or be anything that I wanted when I grew up.

Well, I have grown up. And now those same people are the first to tell me that I can’t - that it’s too hard, too risky or just downright impossible. Why do we fan the flames of a child’s dreams, yet extinguish the desires of other adults?

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what family, friends or strangers might think. The whole world can say, “You can’t.” But it only takes one person to believe in you.

And that one person is you.

Just in case you need backup: I believe in you, too.

Don’t let everyone else define your reality or diminish your dreams. If you want it - if you really, really want it - and if you are willing to put energy and effort into manifesting your desires… well, I wouldn’t want to bet against you.

You might encounter a million red lights. But it only takes one green light - YOUR green light.

I’m here to remind you that, “Yes, you can.”

U like squid??

2009-12-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

I heard this story from other people but whether it is true or otherwise, no one knows…

Anyways, as we all know, fishermen go to sea and spend quite a substantial amount of time there. I was told that it may be as long as weeks, or even more than a month. And ya’ know, spending time out in the sea for such a long period of time tends to result in extreme boredom and loneliness when fishermen are not actively engaging in fishing activities.

To entertain themselves, they smoke, joke and drink. But then again, they can’t be doing that all the time. So what else do they do?... They masturbate. And over time, masturbation went through evolution…

Apparently, the inside of squid resembles the female love canal. And so, it was said that fishermen use squid as a masturbation tool. Yup… they wrap their pole with a squid and do the up and down motion which produces the white lotion.

Have you heard of this before? Is it true?
And… are you a squid lover?

NO for me!

I.D.I,O,T,S

2009-12-12T06:34:00.000-08:00

Have you ever encounter some idiots who just irritate the shit out of you? I am talking about generic idiots, performing idiotic acts that are just pure irritating. They may be different people, but they can be doing the same idiotic things. Let me name you a few…

One type of generic idiots whom I always encounter is those whom I called I-must-press-the-button idiot, always appearing in elevator lobbies. When I am the first to reach the elevator lobby and press the “up” button, the second fella who reaches the lobby just have to do the same. There will be a whole bunch of such idiots who will keep pressing the button, despite knowing that it has been pressed and it won't make the elevator comes faster, all the way till the elevator arrives. Worse, some of these idiots will press it a few times and look at you as though it’s your fault that the elevator is slow. Bunch of idiots!

Next are those idiots who hog the line. No, I am not talking about traffic or any sort of queue, I am talking about those who hog the lines in a economy rice store. These idiots will just stare at the dishes as though they are choosing their life partners. C’mon, make up your mind and get out of the way. How much it costs and how good it tastes will not change if you give them your idiotic stare. Worse, there are those who take one dish and stand there like a model… ponder and hog the line. For goodness sake, once you’ve taken your pick, choose your next dish or pay! What an idiot.

The list goes on but i do not want to carry on whinging. Nuff said.. Its the weekend and its time to relax..

Wish you guys a fabulous weekend!

Flooded with emails

2009-12-09T03:35:00.000-08:00

I am sure most of you will agree that working life nowadays evolve around answering e-mails. As I was clearing my inbox and answering some of the so called “urgent” e-mails, I wondered… how was working life like before the days of e-mails?

On any given day, there will be a few mails coming in at the same time inquiring about different situations which require my advice. And in a typical corporate scenario, these inquiries demand immediate reply. And it’s not any ordinary reply. It requires thinking and sometimes, some level of research.

How are these done before the time of e-mails? Through telephone? If it’s through phone, at least you will be engaged on one line if there are 2 inquiries coming in. But with e-mails, you can have up to 10 inquiries in an hour. And inquiries are the light stuff. It can be agreements, contracts or any form of documents being sent over which require my review and comments. And as usual, everything is urgent. If you take more than a week to reply, it means that you are slow.

Without a doubt, the existence of e-mails has accelerated the pace at which we work. We are now required to provide answers, provide comments, review documents and meet all other unreasonable demands at light speed. It’s really crazy.

And don't you just hate it when one sends out a mail to a whole list of people re something and then someone else replies copying the whole army of people just to say "thank you" or something that we really don't give a shit about?? makes you want to go over and smack some senses into their heads, no?

One can say that we have become more efficient. But I just think we have been made to work like robots.

Working politics

2009-12-06T07:51:00.000-08:00

I was having a chat with my friend yesterday and the topic of being a fresh graduate kinda trigger me to blog about it today. Well, I have my own time of being a fresh graduate working in a company without experiences and striving to survive working in it, meeting with sarcastic seniors and saving my job at least. I understand how a fresh graduate really feels when they started working in some company.

Firstly, they are taken lightly as they have no experience in anything. And, when they started asking questions on how to do this or what to do for that, they will be harshly answered as well as treated rudely with rude remarks. Seniors never think for a second to respect the fresh graduates / juniors. They never thought that some time ago, they were once a freshie. Well yes, perhaps some fresh graduates may not be as smart as seniors were when they were freshie but then again, it is a senior’s responsibility to groom the freshies up to meet with senior’s expected level, ain’t it? You know, like the mentor and mentee thingy?

No matter how busy a senior is at work, they shouldn’t throw out rude remarks or being a bitch about it and in fact, should be empowered enough to think on how to groom their juniors up so that they can help them to work on whatever the company is focusing on. Somehow, most companies are always lacking in good HR scheme to empower all their staffs. Seniors should always maintain a good and friendly environment that encourages discussion whenever necessary. However, people are always selfish, they wouldn’t share their knowledge, in fear of that their position is being threaten.

That is why, all of us somehow resent the place that we are working in because of the people.

L.O.V.E

2009-11-30T03:49:00.000-08:00

I don’t know if I love you… Nor do I know what love is…

But… if love means dreaming of the person every night and doing the same thing when you’re awake, then I guess, this is love. If love means looking every where and every li’l thing seems to remind you of the person, then maybe, this is love. If love means dying to be with someone for every single second of your life, then, this could be love. If love means having to accept the person for who he is and who he’s not, then I believe, I’m in love. If love means being happy just to hear his voice or being complete when you know he calls, then, I’m in love. If love means losing my pride just to tell him what I feel, then, this could really be love.

And if love means hating the person for everything about him, yet deep inside you’re still longing to touch him, hear something about him, see him, or have a glimpse of his picture, talk to him, care for him, hug him, and kiss him, then . . . . dats true love

Its not the end

2009-11-29T06:26:00.000-08:00

I know it is never easy when any marriage or relationship ends for whatever reason the split is whether you wanted it or not. Breaking up from a long term relationship can turn your world upside-down and gives you so much heartache.

Even when the relationship no longer good where it is probably full with resentment, disappointment and shattered dreams, yet when the relationship ends it still do hurt so much. When relationship ends, it disrupted our routines and responsibilities, and introduces uncertainties into our life.

Questions such as “what will be life without him/her?”, “will i find someone else?”, “will i end upbeing alone?”. These questions often seem worse than an unhappy relationship, thus people tend to stick with unhappy relationship due to fear.

Personally to me, ending a relationship is just the same as losing one part of your life such as the loss of companionship, support, hopes, dreams and plans. Thus, I find that either, I ended the relationship or my partner ended it, we are suppose to GRIEVE our losses. Mourn it!

I think it is a normal thing to feel sad, angry, confused and loss when the relationship ends. It will last as long as it takes but will lessen in time. We might feel frightened the most as we feel that we’ve lost everything in our life, we have nothing and that we do not know what to do next.

I believe that all the above are just part and parcel of the process of healing from break up. It is a normal cycle that one needs to go through before one able to moves on. It will be the hardest journey to heal one’s heart but once when it did, one will turn much wiser than before. Thats what i felt anyways..

Whats your choice??

2009-11-21T03:18:00.000-08:00

When a person was betrayed under the spell of love, one will be suffering in a total anguish and one may get too depress over such pain, regardless which gender. Some may go through the thoughts of committing suicide when such drastic change happened, such as losing the other half of his/her life. However, those who are strong enough to stand up again will understand that what don’t break them will make them stronger.

The thing is after going through the entire break up cycle and having their ex asking for a chance back is something that I find totally disturbing. Why? Well, the first thing that came into my mind was, your bf/gf is not a “thing” to have and dump just like that. I wonder why one didn’t try or do their best to care and appreciate what they have but yet when one realized what they’ve lost, then they wanted it back.

Either way, the decision is going to be hard. But one thing is for sure, if you do go back into the relationship, you will be going back into a relationship that is cracked in a way, it''s not the same as before anymore. Even if its patched, there's gonna be lots of scratches and the trust is no longer there. And then, the pain will be tat much more.

Just my 2 cents..

Volunteer Day

2009-11-17T06:20:00.000-08:00

I started my very first volunteering work on 13th Nov with my fellow HP-ites and of cos my BFF, HN, Kiki and Hei Hei. It was part of President Star's Charity which HP have been offering their volunteer services without fail. This year, HP managed to rope in over 1000 employees to offer their volunteer services.

We were dispatched to various organisations from the elderly, orphanages, autism kids, just to name a few. As for my team, we went to a day care centre for the elderly and people with dementia. Many precautions and care has to be taken especially we are dealing with elderly. Some of them need some physical assistance and some of them are wheel chaired bound. However most of them are very healthy and could walk on their own.

Our job as a volunteer there was to take good care of the old folks, entertain them,,talk to them, understand them and most importantly spend an enjoyable day with them. Did i mention, we also conduct games with them? Yeah! It was very entertaining and I can see their happy expressions.. One of the challenges is that, we have to communicate in dialects which is not my forte at all! hahahaha! I have always wanted to be a volunteer for some community work. I happened to get an email asking for help about this volunteering work and that was how we began.

Really very happy doing community work especially when you see them happy,you will feel happy too. After you volunteer your service, you feel happy because you have done something good; you feel useful because you can help others; you feel confident in yourself because you have the ability to contribute to the good of society. The feeling of happiness, of being useful, and of self-confidence has already broadened our vision.

Being a volunteer expands our vision by allowing us to transcend ourselves as receivers and become givers; we go from being a burden on society to being a positive force in society. Before we volunteered, we might not have known that being a volunteer could make our existence so meaningful and fulfilling. Being a volunteer makes me feel happy, useful, and confident and an eye opener too!

Thanks for giving me the chance!

Dope song

2009-11-15T00:59:00.000-08:00

what ever you like
what ever you lik
what ever you li
what ever you l
what ever yo
what ever y
what ever
what eve
what ev
what e
what
wha
wh
w

the biggest "winner"?

2009-11-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

Nobody wants a breakup if in the first place they are out to built a relationship. And "calling it off" during a quarrel or argument doesn't win a situation but sore it further. Ppl get carried away during a quarrel. Knowing that they're in the upper hand, 'breaking up' would be a good way of threatening the other party to back off n not argue further. But little do they know that it's a selfish act that cause hurts to the other party. Making them feel so unappreciated and the r/s seems like nothing to the person who initiate the breakup.

Yes, I used to be the childish person who wanted a breakup everytime there's a quarrel. I know I will win. Whatever wrong I done, I'll still win. On the surface I did won. But I lose more than I won. I lost my bf confidence, I lost my own conscience, I lost any lesson that came along, most of all, I lost to myself. Not being able to face my own mistakes, acting like a coward and initiate the breakup.

I remember hearing this from someone, ' you might win from the argument, but ask yourself, you think you're the one who ultimately win? In actual fact, you lost, because you fight your way through to fight for your 'right', while the other partner give in to you, considering your feelings.

I know why some people have this false sense of glorification when they are the ones initiating breakups. Seems like at the end of the day, they are the real losers of the situation, losing their partners, as well as their confidence.

:(

2009-11-14T02:42:00.000-08:00

Why would my boyfriend accused me of cheating? I honestly, would never cheat on him with another guy. We been dating for a year and I haven't ever been unfaithful to him. He accused me of cheating saying he has all the facts of what I did that involves cheating. Why is he acting like this? This is making me sad and hurt. I don't know what I should do.

Cliff, i never knew you would think i am playing games with you. You ended this relationship so easily. I have never cheated on you. And as you move on, I hope you will remember me, remember us and all we used to be. I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I´ll never forget you my lover, i hope you never forget me.

All the best to you.

12 September, 18.06:42

2009-11-13T19:19:00.000-08:00

White lies- Is it OK to lie to a person we care about for a kind reason, like to make him feel better and more secure, or to avoid a fight. As long as our heart is in the right place, even experts say that honesty isn't always required. You don't have to tell the whole truth if it will hurt your partner or if it's something he can't change. At the same time, not all lies are harmless even little white ones and some untruths can tear apart a relationship by damaging intimacy and trust. The worst kinds of lies result from trying to change who we really are or to minimize a serious problem in a relationship.

I got to know a friend from Facebook with whom i sometimes communicate. My partner happened to see our interactions -- and didn't like what he saw. But I know my exchanges don't mean anything, so they're not worth discussing. And one day, he came over to Singapore for a holiday and he wanted to meet me up for dinner. I do not know how to tell my partner and I told my partner a white lie. I know its vital to be honest and truthful but I know my partner wont be able to handle it and at the same time, I do not want to make my partner sad.

And I have a lil apprehensive of meeting him for dinner because i need to find a bed for my grandma as she had fallen off from the bed and i need to get a new bed for her. But cant find one then decided to meet my fren for dinner. And because of that, he broke the relationship with me And said I am two timing him. Accusing that I love him and stuffs. Honest to god, i didnt have any sexual relationships with this guy. It was just a dinner meeting, dats all.. Being accused like this is not a nice feeling.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that we won’t be hurt in relationships. It is a chance that we all take. I do not know what to say anymore and do. I have sacrificed alot for my partner, and maybe he didnt notice that. Anyways, the truth will prevails eventually. People can just say "move on" but.. it is so much easier said than done.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

2009-10-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

I was queuing up for Kentucky just now when the lady infront of me got very frustrated with the service staff and started shouting at her.

I think the staff is rather new and seems quite blur. The lady ordered a set meal which comes with a coleslaw and a mashed potato. But she told the staff that she doesn’t want the coleslaw and wanted a mashed potato instead. But the staff forgotten about it and placed the coleslaw into her take away box. The lady was so pissed off that she started scolding the staff. It was so bad that the manager have to step in and remove the coleslaw from the box.

Eeerr….. but excuse me. But it’s just a bloody coleslaw. If the staff forgets your special request, just remind her nicely. There is no need to scold a service staff over such small matters. In fact, there isn’t any need to scold a service staff. If they do anything wrongly, just tell them nicely and they will fix it. They are human afterall. Respect them.

Sigh. Why do some people behave like they are the king/queen just because they are paying customers? I really feel sorry for the service staff...

Artificially rich bastards

2009-10-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

I reckon Singaporeans have a very lop-sided conception of what rich and poor are. Just the other day i was having my breakkie and overheard this woman in a clearly very expensive dress talking to her son. I overheard her telling the child, "look at this poor man. That’s what’s going to happen to you if you don’t study hard." She was actually talking about this young man that clears all the plates in the food court.

But cleaners aren’t necessary poor. Many are, certainly, but some get by just fine. I think it’s arrogant and overly presumptuous to label them all “poor”. The problem with Singaporeans is that they’re not really interested in affluence per se, but the symbols of affluence. Singaporeans don’t measure affluence by how much you earn, but how much you spend. Consequently, Singaporeans (young ones especially) seem to be spending more and more, without any significant rise in income to back them up. Frankly, i’m sick and tired of this obscene materialism.

Apparently, most young Singaporeans define success the exact same way, which is the exact same special way, which is but having lots of money, and a lifestyle to show for it. My advice - You don’t stay young and energetic forever. The only old people who age happily are the ones who have long given up being driven, and focus instead on living.

The driven ones run out of fuel much faster. Ironically, they need all the money they earn, to pay for foster care, because their kids abandon them and all the good food they’ve eaten has gotten to their heart and they need constant medical support.

Bloody Singaporeans!

Mixed Emotions

2009-10-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

Am in a very very bad mood lately. Lots of things happening which is making me very depressed. Yet I cannot find a place to vent them out. Not even on this blog.

Just feel like staying in bed for the whole day. In the past, I could have done that by applying a couple days of leave. But now, I don’t have the options to do that. Lots of things needs my attention. Lots of meeting need to be attend. Can’t afford to hide myself under the blanket.

And the worst thing is that I need to pretend that everything is alright when things aren’t. Putting up a happy front and covering up the emotions deep inside. It’s tough. But I know I shouldn’t mix work with personal stuff.

Perhaps I should just forget about my personal stuff and concentrate on work. Maybe keeping myself busy at work can help me forget about the personal issues.

Sigh.......

Stop nudging me!

2009-10-18T04:29:00.000-07:00

Do you have a list of things that will piss you off? I have. There are a couple of little things in life that piss me off. Maybe I’ll list down all of them 1 day.

Anyway, there is 1 thing that people like to do that never fail to piss me off. Sending me a nudge in MSN. Or rather sending me a nudge first thing he/she sees me on MSN. Even before sending me a msg or anything. And I’m at my computer when they nudge me.

Sometimes, i’m fine with it. But when someone over-done it, you get pissed off easily. There are times when you are listening to MP3 or watching video and turning the computer volume up to try to catch the words. Then this irritating noise comes along. And there are times when you are in a foul mood and the last thing you want people to do is to nudge you for no reason.

There is a purpose for nudge. Nudge is to alert the person when he didn’t reply your msg. It is not a greeting. Its rude. Its like pressing the car horn at people. (BTW, I hate it when people horn at me too.) I told them many times that I hate it when they does that. But people still continue to do it. Everytime…. Urrghhhh!

Happy 26th birthday!

2009-10-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

As you all have probably seen by now, I haven’t exactly been updating my thoughts or movements in my life. Its not that I’ve been staying at home everyday with nothing to write, nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, I’ve been so busy going out and catching up with friends, working and other activities and so on that I may have neglected my blog a little. Which is not to say I haven’t tried. Its weird to say that the last few times I tried to write anything serious, it turned out to be written in a pretty condescending tone and that is not exactly what I wanted to portray, so its been saved under drafts.

As you all know, its my birthday and my colleagues actually bought a cake and surprised me. I was really not expecting it, but I think the surprise didn’t really manifest in my face. Heh, it felt weird to be cutting a cake again.

Someone asked me, “How does it feel to be 26?”.
I thought for a while before answering, “I feel wiser”.

And that is the truth. Just a year ago things have been very different for me (perhaps, more in my mind than in my current status), and I’ve truly seen and experienced a lot more this year than in the years past. To state all the things that has made it so significant would be near impossible, but suffice to say certain happenings really changed my perspective on life, amongst others.

I was told to make a birthday wish before blowing out the candles. I actually had to take a few minutes to do it because I really couldn’t think of what I wanted in life for now, or what exactly it was I lacked. A year ago (and the year before, and before, and before) I would wish for good results, and/or someone to love, or something to that effect.

Today, I wished to live everyday happy.

The 1st cut is the deepest?

2009-07-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm..... Is the first cut the deepest? The first love of your life, the first heartbreak, the first time being rejected? Everyone has to go though it. The first cut into your heart. It's a known fact that everyone is going to get their heart broken at some point in their life. It's a harsh fact to deal with because no one really wants to be heartbroken right?

A girl and a boy can fall in love but, what happens when all the slushy things like holding hands, hugging, and candle lit dinners end? This is where it gets heart breaking. So is the first cut really the deepest? Well I can only say that your first love, your first kiss, will always be with that special someone in your heart. Even if you have broken up, you will become stronger as a person and be able to face the next lucky person to walk into your life. Just my 2 cents...

materialistic world?

2009-07-29T05:22:00.000-07:00

Truth be told, I don’t live the simplest of lifestyles. But I don’t place a lot of importance on the material stuff that I do have; I’m not attached to it. I can enjoy it when it’s here, and yet not mourn over it if ever goes. I think it’s perfectly fine to live in abundance - so long as we don’t define ourselves by the abundance in which we live.

Many of us secretly believe that we’d be happier if we made more money. I can guarantee otherwise: If you’re miserable poor, you’ll be miserable rich. Perhaps even more miserable. Your base level of happiness isn’t determined by the wealth you’re able to amass or the amount of “things” you’re able to collect.

At best, material things can give us a temporary high. It’s like taking a drug. But the high is always short and the crash is always hard as we return back to our base level of happiness. Moreover, true happiness can’t be dependent on anything outside of us as the entire world is transient and changing. If you base your happiness on something that is bound to change, you’ll live your life in fear of losing it.

To truly be happier, I think each of us must follow our heart.

All for one, one for all

2009-07-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

I know someone who graduated from one of the TOP 10 universities in the world, and she thinks she is all that and a bag of chips because of this fact. She can't get THE job she wants after trying for over 2 months to get a job. So, obviously, where one gets a degree means nothing, necessarily. She turned down 2 jobs because she thinks she is too good for them, and yet complains on facebook about having no job.

I know a lot of people who want to get into good universities, have a false sense in believing that these universities will get them a good job. Sometimes they do, but often times they don't. I read a article once saying that it doesn't matter where one goes to school, because most will start out with the same salary caps, and it doesn't matter if that person went to MIT, Havard, Oxford.

I think going to whatever school should never give you a sense of entitlement. Good jobs go to good, hardworking people, not self-obsessed bubbleheads who are too in love with the coat of arms on their degree to realize they're not the center of the universe.

However, in retrospect, going to a good school does improve your chances of getting employed, simply because employers know students coming out of those schools have well-developed skill sets that they can utilize right away. Hmmm.. Am i contradicting? hahahaa!

Branded goods

2009-07-20T02:39:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to think people view their clothes as an extension of themselves and their personality - so if they buy expensive, branded clothes, they think others will reflect on their choice as the individual being of high value.

Designer clothes with obvious logo's emblazoned across them come across as tacky and trashy, but people will buy them as they think that the more obvious the designer, the more people will look at them and think 'wow, classy' when in reality it's normally 'urgh, chavvy'. Quite often the people who buy obvious designer products are lacking in imagination and have more money than sense - it takes creativity to throw together a unique and stylish streetwear outfit that looks pricey.

To be fair, a lot of people buy branded goods for their quality, reputation and sometimes unique style. But mostly it all boils down to 'mine cost more so it's better than yours' and the ego behind it. I base my purchases on design, value, and functionality, and if that is why someone chooses to buy a branded item then that's fair enough. People who aspire to be more celebrity-like often buy branded clothing for the sake of it (and lack of imagination/or style), whereas the celebrity buys it because money is no option to them - therefore the more expensive, the better.

Don u think so?

Casual sex

2009-07-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine asked me the other day:
"Does having casual sex, without being a relationship with someone mean that you don't respect yourself?"

Well, i would say that it's a stereotype. Women are sluts and men are players. I can't really answer her because it's really one of those double standards set by society. I personally think that you should at least stick to one person. There are diseases out there...but hey that's your call not mine.

Causal sex can denote a self esteem problem, however, that is not always the case. Again, it's one of those things that has to be addressed on an individual basis. Some girls with low self esteem give it up for free b/c it makes them feel needed/wanted/attractive. As long as you understand your motive for doing this, then you should be fine. It's those people who convince themselves that they are doing this for another purpose that have serious problems.

As for why men think women lack self respect if they have sex without commitment, its b/c men are use to playing the 'game'. Most men say they want sex...but most will never marry a girl who gives it up easily. When most men think of a wife, they think of a wholesome individual to mother their children, someone respectable - not someone who's been around the block. These men will not respect you, hence they assume that you don't respect yourself. I'm not sure how else to explain it.

Overall, I think that its disgusting, giving your body to someone who is just using it for their selfish pleasure and who doesn't give two sh*ts about you. I don't look down on them, I'm just disappointed by them because I know that they're not truly happy with themselves.

Hmmm...

Halo

2009-07-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

I listened to Beyonce's " HALO" recently and i swear to God, i really love the song. It has a very deep deep meaning. I reckon not many can interpret the message behind the lyrics of this song but in my opinion, it's not about God - although I would've loved it to be about Him - and if it relates to you in that way, then take it as such.

This is a girl (or guy) who has been hurt enough to build walls around him/her. She/he doesn't trust her relationships, so when this person meets this "someone" - she/he is very "cautious" at first.

This person even tries to "test" this person to see if they are for real.

Its like Ive been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin
Its the risk that im takin

You know how sometimes people do that "game" to test others to see if they're really sincere. Trust issue. Perhaps Beyonce's character pushed this guy over the edge to see if he would still be committed? Sometimes that's risky - because you don't know if they'll stay committed, but she tested him because she simply had to know for sure. It's a foolish way to be secure, but that's what it meant.

However, this person came to some point in his/her life and they are convince that this special "someone" is indeed the real thing! And the "halo" revelation is that she finally sees that he's a good man! Thus, in the first verse, all her guard is let down without a fight, she trust him.

So with that understanding, I think the rest is self explanatory. :)

Good job Beyonce! Love ya!

If you think my interpretaion is wrong, pls correct me. :)

Sex

2009-07-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

Over the years and months I've realized, as I've seen the relationships of close friends fail time and again, that good, solid, long term relationships are not based on sex; in fact, it's those relationships that are heavily based on sex that usually don't wind up making it for very long. That's because that while sex is an important part of a relationship, in the end it's how you navigate the bad times that really define how strong your relationship is.

Too many people are willing to bail when bad times happen because it's easy to fix with a legal procedure and piece of paper, and sex is readily available elsewhere. In fact, over time if your relationship is based heavily on sex, the boredom factor alone tends to lead people to cheat or split up, because they have no other solid foundation.

In my opinion, sex is an important part of a relationship but if it is or becomes the most important aspect then there is no ''real'' relationship. It can be the ultimate expression of love between two people, a way to communicate feelings that are difficult to express in words. Sex helps build closeness and intimacy, relieves stress, gives comfort. Sex differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic relationship.

Love and sex are not the same thing; this is something some people never learn. Sex without love is just physical. Love without sex can be pure, spiritual and true. But sex with someone you love unequivocally, can be gentle and tender, hot and wild, comfortable or simply sublime.

And don't ever forget that the most important sexual organ is the brain. So, the next time, you don't get enough sex from your partner, heed my advice. Sex is not everything in a relationship. Nup, i am not complaining if i don't get enough sex from my partner. :)

Fixing a broken heart

2009-04-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I don't understand life. . . especially my life. Why do i always end up feeling sad, heartbroken. What have i done to deserve all these? No one understands or knows what i went thru all these years. I dont mean to whinge here.

I've realized that love is never be a part of my fate. Today i had a bad day. In fact, i feel utterly dissapointed with that kind of attitude. Excuse me as I wipe the tears from my face and attempt to catch my breath . . . I feel as if I've been punched. Do you really doubt me, my love?

No relationship is a failure, a waste of time & love. Each relationship in its own right shows us more & more of who we are and that's a magical discovery. I made up my mind to not think about it any more tonight... to let it go.

25 Mar 2009

2009-03-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have been misunderstood perhaps more than anyone else ever, but it has not affected me, for the simple reason that there is no desire to be understood. It is their problem if they don't understand, it is not my problem. If they misunderstand, it is their problem and their misery. I am not going to waste my sleep because millions of people are misunderstanding me.

Hardest words, not?

2009-03-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have a hard time just saying the word "sorry" even if it's obviously their fault. Now, imagine if it wasn't your fault, would you be able to say "sorry"? Would you apologize for something even if it meant swallowing your pride? Or would you let err... "nature" run its course?

People who do apologize say that they do so because they just want the "fight" to be over and done with. Not apologizing would drag the fight longer. As for me, I would not hesitate in apologising even if it was not my fault, if it meant that i could end an argument, fight or even get rid of some element of doubt or mistrust. If that relationship mean a lot to me, I will never let it go. In that case I don't mind saying sorry.

Words that can kill

2009-03-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

How often that there are certain thoughts that you would like to bring across, yet unable to do so due to certain circumstances? How often you hold back saying out your thoughts for the fear of affecting the other party? How often thoughts are being hold back from being saying out loud?How often thoughts are being kept inside because of the lacking of the appropriate words to use?

I had been in those situations too many times... Too many times, I hold back a lot of stuff that I wanted to share... For the fear of affecting others... Especially the fear of hurting them with my words...

The fateful night

2009-02-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I was pretty angry and sad. So angry, in fact, that my hands are shaking.
What are the things that make me angry? Not just irritated, but actually angry. My blog has been made available to people who know me so I won’t go into details. Suffice it to say: I’m angry. Although, writing this is starting to have a calming effect on me.

How much anger is acceptable? And what actions resulting from anger are acceptable? For example, I do not believe that my anger excuses me to start yelling and hurling abuse at people. But do I instead keep my feelings completely to myself? Am I supposed to be a doormat? I don’t think so.

But what if my anger is actually rooted in selfishness? Just because someone has acted in a way that does not match up to my values, does that make me right and the other person wrong?
The thing I am most wary of is that if we do not deal with anger effectively it can morph into resentment, and that is never good.

jealousy?

2009-02-25T21:10:00.000-08:00

Oh I was thinking about how silly jealousy is. Jealousy, like worrying, is a symptom of insanity. If you really and truly love someone, then the idea of them leaving you isn’t scary. If you truly love someone, then you want their happiness. If their happiness isn’t with you, then you must accept it. You don’t have to be happy or excited about it, but you must be at peace with it.

So many people get jealous and worry that their partner is going to leave them for someone else. But, if you love your partner, and they would be happier with someone else, wouldn’t you want them to experience that? Would you rather your partner be less happy, and stay with you? Would you want to hold your partner captive against their will? A relationship like that isn’t about the other person–it is about you. And a relationship that is about you, isn’t a relationship at all. It’s not love. It’s using someone. It is self-serving. It is the anti-love.

And that’s how I feel about jealousy.

24th Feb 2009

2009-02-23T22:17:00.000-08:00

I think pain and pleasure are flip sides of the same coin. Whenever there is pleasure, pain is lurking. The line is so thin. Love and hate are the same way. Just look at relationships. Look how quickly a loving relationship can become hateful. Really, there is no duality. Pain can not exist without pleasure, or light without dark.

There is only one.

And really, we create pain and pleasure in our minds. They aren’t real. There is only one reality, and that is love.

Do u wanna know?

2009-02-22T21:59:00.000-08:00

I received a question from a fren on FB and he posed me this question:

Would you want to know the date of the day on which you’ll die?

As for me, I tend to look at in two ways. Bad and Good.
I would say yes, simply because if I knew when I was going to die I would most likely look at my life in a whole different sense. Actually I know i would. I mean come on someone says your going to die on lets say Oct 5th,2009. You would just be like "Whoaaaa…stop the train." and just think about stuff and I think it would really make someone look at their motives, ambitions, and goals in a whole new light. I think they would really look deep down to it and think about what is most important to them and I think that they would do whatever it took to reach it.

And I would say No, because I honestly dont want to know when I am going to die. I feel that I am doing the most i can with my life and the time i have been given. And lets be serious, life is not handed to you, it is a priviledge in my eyes. And I think that if you really do charish life you will do the best you can and you will strive for what you want out of life. Because I know I would be leaving so much and so many people behind whom I love and care deeply for, and it would break my heart.

Some other people however, would want to know so they could cherish their time with them, and i mean i guess in a sense i would too you know. But for me, im fine and content living my life day to day, to the fullest extent possible. And i will keep doing so, and if the time comes when i die, then it happens. Its life, you lose people and gain people everyday, you just have to make the choice to strive in whatever u do no matter what.

Thanks for the question! It was a good! I reckon one of the greatest mistakes we make in life is to focus on our losses and forget that we gained something in the first place. There are no guarantees in this life. The only certainty is the good fortune we’ve had in just being born.

Real happiness

2009-02-19T01:32:00.000-08:00

Are you happy? Why?
Because you got a nice gift? Because you’re with family? Because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Well, then you’re actually miserable. If the source of your happiness can be taken away, you’re not really happy. And of course, when I say happiness I don’t mean a smile on your face. I mean a deeper, inner happiness. A sense of peace with life.

If you’re happy for a reason, that reason can be taken away. Your gift could break. Your family could die. Your partner may leave you. True happiness isn’t based on externals. It comes from within.

Dig deep. Let’s be happy not because.

Relationships

2009-02-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

In our lives, we have many relationships. We have relationships with our signficant other(s). We have relationships with family members and friends. Ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Coworkers and bosses. Neighbours. Facebook friends. We even have a relationship with our job. Our gym membership. In a nutshell, it’s relationships galore.

Some of those relationships are fulfilling; they inspire us to be the best version of our self and to live a meaningful life. And some of these relationships are un-fulfilling; they’re toxic. When we cultivate these relationships, we cultivate feelings of discomfort or even anger in our lives. These relationships are not conducive to a meaningful life.

It’s time to be honest with ourselves and identify the toxicity in our lives. It’s difficult to be honest when the toxicity comes from someone close, especially a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner.

I still remb when i m in high school, my teacher would tell us that the people around us are like food. Some people are allergic to tomatoes. It doesn’t make tomatoes bad - they’re just not for you. Likewise, some people are allergic to other people. It doesn’t make those other people bad or any less beautiful - it just means that they aren’t for you.

Without judgement, we can identify our toxic relationships. It takes two to tango, and no relationship can survive without your participation in it.

hmmm

2009-02-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

Accusations, whether they’re accurate or not, happen all the time. Once in a while, they happen to us. I am not an exceptional here. They're wrong and I can look myself in the mirror knowing the truth.

Who I am and what I do, that will win out in time. I know it's normal to feel a twinge of guilt even if you're completely innocent. We always hear about guilt by association. But there is also guilt by accusation. People hear something negative and tend to believe it. If you accuse a person unfairly, he/she still has that twinge — just from having the finger pointed at him/her.

The hardest part might just be picking up the pieces of your shattered sense of self-worth.

Only you

2009-02-04T06:25:00.000-08:00

I have had a few occasions recently that I have heard people blame their life’s problems on other people. Many people hold on to bitterness gained in their childhood. They blame their parents for everything that has happened in their lives. But really once you are an adult, you can make your own choices. No one is holding you to the behaviors of your parents anymore. I hate it when people excuse their behavior by blaming their parents.

I know a fren who struggles financially and he blames the state of his finances on his parents. He is forever whinging with his $. When i asked him why is this happening and his reply is: “They never taught me how to manage money”. This man didn’t have the best parents in the world, but he had everything given to him. He had nice clothes, a nice home, cars bought for him. Yet he still blames his parents for his failings in life? Geez! How could that be?

I'm not gonna talk about my parents, and all i can say is that i don’t want to be a carbon copy of my father, or my mother. That idea just depresses me. We do get to choose. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to get out of the cycle, stagnation of our lives and do better. Attitude is a big part of it. Because in the end, the only person you have to blame or congratulate for your life is you!

Looking things in a different perspective

2009-02-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

The labels of "God" don’t resonate with me - it’s neither good nor bad, it’s just not my path to truth. However, i believed that one of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." It resonated with me.

I’ve always wondered what the pious masses thought about unanswered prayers. There are many times in life when things don’t go our way. I really, really wanted a job that I wanted when I graduated. From a pool of god knows how many applicants, I was one of three candidates for the job. Nup,I didn’t get it. And was crushed.

Looking back, I realize that my unanswered prayer (though I’d never call it a prayer) was, in fact, a great gift from the universe. If I had been given the job, I’d not be where I am today, doing what I love so much. The universe had much bigger plans for me. And though I was unable to see it in the moment, not getting the job was a gift.

Things don’t always go the way we think they should go. Shit happens, right? It’s never easy to lose a loved one, get fired from a job or be diagnosed with an illness or disease. But as we expand and widen our perspective, we can learn to see the beauty (yes, beauty) in each of our challenges or hardships. Maybe the gift is dissolving fear. Or understanding death. Or finding a new career path, or anything else, ya know..

Sad night

2009-01-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

You know the saying you always hurt the one you love? Well I think it goes both ways--
The one you love always hurts you too.

Its a struggle that it feels like no one will win. I don't know how long anyone can fight. Tell me it won't last forever.

Whatever it is, I STILL LOVE U BABE!

I FUCKING LOVE U GARFIELD!

It's just a figure

2009-01-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

When it comes to dating, is age really just a number?
For the first time in my life, I’m in a serious relationship in which there exists an age gap; I’m 26, my partner is 33. There’s a little more than 7 years difference between us. Previous ones were either the same age as me or a year older and it got me thinking about this whole "age" thing.

But, of course, relationships are about more than attraction.
When it comes to the internal relationship factors like personality, goals, values and the like, age is just one of many elements shaping these multifaceted expressions of our individuality.

For a 25 year old, I regard myself as pretty immature. My partner, on the other hand, is quite mature. In other words, we probably meet somewhere in the middle. I have seen a lot of very childish 40 and 50-somethings. And I know many very grown-up young adults. Sure, more 50-year olds are mature than 18 year-olds, but there are countless exceptions on either side.

A similar argument can be made around life experience. I know some 40 year olds that have lived in the same town their whole life, working one or two jobs in the same field. Alternatively, I know some 20 year olds that have been thrown out of their homes, lived on the streets and somehow managed to overcome the obstacles of their situation. *wink*

So there you have it. Age, like time, is something we humans make up. Really, it tells us nothing about a person. And therefore, you don’t have to feel like a pedophile if u are dating someone WAY YOUNGER than u.

But whatever it is, I HEART my partner very much.

Let Love lead the way

2009-01-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

I had a chat with my colleague yesterday and she inspired me to blog on this topic. Well, the story goes like this -

She has a Chinese mom and dad and thus makes her a chinese. And apparently, her boyfriend is an indian man. When her parents found out about this, they were aghasted and were so mad at her and told her to end this relationship immediately and at the same time beating her up. When she relate the story to me, she was crying and i can sense the tinge of sadness there..

Awwww... I know of some people who prefer to date/marry someone of the same race. I can think of some valid reasons why someone might prefer a same-race partner. Maybe they worried that their family or community will disapprove, and that will put a strain on the relationship. Not everyone can handle the conspicuousness that goes with marrying someone of a different race. And if it's a person of color dating a white person, there is also the issue of white privilege. Can a white partner really understand or empathize with the daily struggles that a person of color faces in our society? At the same time, I think if you refuse to even consider a partner of a different race, you may unknowingly be missing out on someone wonderful.

What the facts show is that there are differences among us, but they stem from culture, not race.
I guess at the end of the day, I’d like to think that being born an ethnic minority (4 different types of bloods) in this country doesn’t necessarily limit the pool of people I can fall in love with.

RIGHT???

Poot Peet Poot Peet

2009-01-27T05:19:00.000-08:00

Usually we will get fed up while driving because of some idiots who don’t know how to drive. For example slow ass car driving on a fast lane, people who suddenly make a turn without having their signals on… And some people will start honking when they get really angry. How the hell can they drive in 40km/h on a fast lane and don’t give a shit about my flash lights? How the hell can they just reverse their cars from the parking lot without checking if there’s any incoming cars?! But I’m so confused whether should I honk these crazy asses because I had different school of thoughts.

I’m being told that,
"If you love honking so much, I hope you will understand that there are road bullies everywhere and if you offended these people, they will KILL you! And you may never know what people will do to your car. So try to avoid honking."

On the other hand, someone also told me this, "if you don’t like honking, you might as well place a special order for your car manufacturer telling them to remove the honking function! You need car horns so that you can make people alert and aware and indirectly tell them to fuck off! What the hell are you? Acting nice?!"

Well. I’m confused… How about you? I don get to hear much car honking in Australia etc.. Unlike bloody Singapore...

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!!

2009-01-26T06:45:00.000-08:00

Back then when we talk about Chinese New Year, all of us would jump for joy because being a kid has loads of benefits! You can shamelessly ask for ang pau from your relatives or parents’ friends.
But now things have changed, firecrackers are banned because some people burnt themselves. And also, for those of you who are anticipating expensive ang pau(s), I’m sorry to be the bearer of the bad news, we are still having economic recession, if you get 2 bucks you should be laughing your way to the bank.. "Times are bad" is the "in" phrase now!

The things that i hate during CNY is:

The weather
I don’t know if it’s just me because especially during Chinese New Year, the weather can really kill you. Many people fall sick during Chinese New Year because of the God damn hot weather, maybe the sun wants to celebrate it too? Plus, with the cookies and all, if you don’t watch what you’re eating, you’ll have to celebrate CNY with fever and/or sore throat.

The kids:
One word: Nightmare

The lion dancers:
You have no idea how annoying you guys are, with the cibai dong dong chiang is enough to deafen the whole world and you guys have to even lit the big ass firecracker? Oh gosh! SOS please! I know it’s a symbolic thing but it’s not symbolic if you have to hear them 20 times a day, oh how is that possible? Try staying in an apartment/flat and see if you udnerstand what I mean.

CNY songs:
I don’t know who the idiot invented this idea, to transform the decent CNY songs into TECHNO version. WTF is wrong with you people? Some decent version are already creating sound pollution and you have to turn it into a techno shit? It’s Chinese New Year not Clubbing New Year you bitches!!! I hope whoever that makes this shit out will become deaf soon!

I’m not saying CNY is bad, I’m just not that excited anymore. Nevertheless, I still wanna wish all of my sweet readers a happy Chinese New Year! And I hope y’all will get expensive ang pau(s) this year despite economic recession.

GONG XI FA CAI!!!!!

A question

2009-01-25T22:24:00.000-08:00

Here is a question for all of you peeps:

If you ignore someone long enough, will they eventually go away?

Love me, Love me not

2009-01-21T04:54:00.000-08:00

Everyone wants to find love in the arms of another. But why is it in these days that people tend to be so insecure once they started to fall in love, giving tidal wave of negative thoughts, feelings, emotions and whatnots, and began to imagine a lot of other negative stuff on the other.

Although rationally there is nothing wrong with both of them but somehow one are just feeling so insecure of being hurt, betrayed or etc. Most people started to feel insecure whenever their partner mingles around the opposite gender, etc... They will question trust and emphasize more on trust and love whenever possible.

I wonder how do you make the other party feel secure in love or how do you make yourself secure in love? Is it by the constant need of assurance from the 3 lovely words by your partner or is it by the constant emphasizing of trust in everything both of you does? Do you need a lot of constant assurance verbally to make you feel secure of his/her feelings towards you? Do you need a lot of constant assurance verbally to make sure that the other understands the word trust in a relationship? Or perhaps knowing it in your heart is enough? Or have you tell your partner enough to assure him/her?

Personally i think if we love someone, and considering that the fact that there's not much adjective for love, we should show it through our actions. In this way, the other party will be able to feel our love and feel secured. Security is also leveled up with trust and always opening up to talk and share; viewing things together and not just pointing fingers to talk on the issue but not on the people.

I prefer my partner to be there for me when i need him and it gives me security. To ask how's my day, etc.. Saying that he loves me. i agree that this will give me security.. but sacrificing and pouring out time for me will make me know that i am important to him and he treasures me, so i feel secured.

If its just one party who always says " i love u" is also of a no use as it takes 2 to tango. We need both hands to clap.

.......

2009-01-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

If I get upset with you
It doesn't mean I don't care,
Everyone has bad days
I'm sure of this you're aware

If you end up getting mad,
Instead of asking me what's wrong,
Our relationship can be hurt.
Instead of staying strong

So if and when I'm upset with you
Please don't just ignore me
Because if you do that
Then where will our relationship be?

Just ask me why I'm upset
We can talk it out
After all that's what relationships
Are all about

I M SORRY MR GARFIELD. . :(

I'm sorry

2009-01-20T06:57:00.000-08:00

Some people have said that I sounded very down. I guess that's true.
I don't mean to sound that way, but sometimes I have bad days. I guess that comes through in my writing. I've been tempted not to publish some of them, but everyone says that if that's the way I feel on that day, so be it.

It's hard not to let everything we're going through get to us sometimes. Some days the burden seems greater, seems almost too much to bear. I know I shouldn't, but some days I want to feel sorry for myself, to give in to the dark side.

I was trying so hard to please everyone, to make everyone smile, to make everyone happy. Seeing people happy means a lot to me. It is never easy to please everyone. I make mistakes but i m just a human being after. It's hard for me to express such sadness through words. There aren't any words to say how deeply saddened i am. .

I don’t really understand human nature sometimes. I guess its just part and parcel of being human. Maybe i shall just leave EVERYONE alone..

The irony

2009-01-18T05:11:00.000-08:00

He’s old. Too old for you. Both old and too old for you.And he’s ugly. Fat and ugly.
But you move towards him. You come close to him. Between his legs. Your butt touches his inner thigh. Rubs against it. And you sit on him. Dangerously close to his crotch.
You do that only because he gives you gifts. You claim to like him, but that’s only because he showers you with gifts.

You call him your sugar daddy.

Then again, if he’s wearing this thick red outfit with white fur lining, you call him Santa Claus.

How ironic!

This is such an inane post that I almost didn’t want to publish it! And no offense to all the sugar daddies out there hey.

The value of trust and honesty

2009-01-15T01:36:00.000-08:00

I wanted to know how do u all react when a spouse or significant other is dishonest, inconsiderate or having an affair. I wondered if it is possible to rebuild trust in someone who disappoints us greatly.

I know people are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, we need a realistic type of trust when we choose to trust someone. We can have a limited trust in people as we grow to know them and they see we really care about them but the fact is that people will let us down. That is reality. Obviously, when someone has broken their vows and been unfaithful, has lied or been dishonest in the relationship, they need to change.

I know we will never be perfect and therefore, will probably disappoint our loved ones as well. We can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep our promises or whatever but since we are human, we will also make mistakes and disappoint that person.

IMO, the components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another.

So, do u think it is possible to rebuild trust in someone who disappoints us greatly???

Struggling?

2009-01-10T20:06:00.000-08:00

There comes a point in your life when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible. Serious. A grown-up. We get taller, we get older, but do we ever really grow up?

In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married… divorced. But for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling. Forever wondering.
Forever… young.

Elites?? Nah..

2009-01-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

Stuck up, know it all, or arrogant. Whatever you want to call them, they are who they are. I did not know why, but arrogance is not something you purposely feel like becoming to show off. It is a natural habit that evolves over time once you become an expert, or know something so well to the point that it becomes part of you.

IMO, these are top arrogant people.

1) University Professors. University math professors get my vote for most arrogant. They treat you like a moron if you don’t understand something or ask a question. That really annoys me when it’s their job to guide you.

2) Doctors are the second most natural arrogant bastards. They give you a straight answer without thinking, and sometimes chuckle at the end of the sentence because you asked it. “How come you did not know that?” is their constant question to every question you ask them. Maybe because I am NOT a doctor is my answer. I did not spend my 20’s learning about a microscopic part of my body that can only be fixed by a 10 hour surgery. That’s not my problem. So stop being arrogant about how much you know! We know you know too much, so help us! What makes it even worse, some students who study medicine who are full of arrogance just pissed me off with their medical school jargons.. Sigh..

3) The third most arrogant bastards, the Engineers. Why are Engineers arrogant? Maybe because they spend 90% of their time designing something so great, so magnificent, and then there is that chance where it actually ends up working and being kick ass awesome! Awesome is what they describe their products. Yes, awesome! And when the final product is displayed to the world, their arrogance increases 10 folds. The more they succeed, the more arrogant they become. I don’t blame them. They do build awesome stuff that does change the world.

I finally understand why some people are full of arrogance.

Cunts

2009-01-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

I don’t want to talk about what really happened because I don’t feel like crying. However, all I can say that life is shit. People tell me, oh get over, oh you are a pathetic whiner, complainer, whinger, blah blah. Maybe I am just like everyone else, have you ever thought of that? But, have you ever felt pain in your chest? Do you feel real physical pain? Do you really know how it is to be heart broken? For some of you who don’t understand, let me explain it.

My heart for the past days has been hurting a lot. I feel like someone is squeezing it so bad to the point that I can’t breath. You see, some of us humans have a heart. And we are sensitive, and we mask ourselves with such a tough fake exterior to survive life day by day. And i hate to pretend nothing really happened or whatsoever hey.

Some people, they just come flocking to me saying the meanest things, and think I have no feelings. I have feelings dammit, and I cry. Who says guys cant cry?? Cunts!

2008-09-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

WHATEVER!!!

Fuck u all!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

Hey, to all those who are wondering if i m dead or alive, i m still ALIVE. Unfortunately, lots of bad and unhappy moments hey.. Bloody hell!

And I used to think that people were biased towards others because of race or gender. However, lately I have been getting negative views about my age. Yes, I am 25 soon. So what?!!!!!!!

It all started when my people told me, “why don’t you act more like XXX or YYY? He is more behaved and doesn’t talk back.”

Explain to me the need to be within a certain age group or mentality. Since I am goin to be 25, I have to act 25? Explain to me what 25 means to you and the things I am supposed to say? Does my maturity level have to be parallel with my age to be respected according to your theory? How do 25 years old act like? You can’t answer that because everyone is different.

There are 25 years old who are married with 3 or more kids and live in big houses.
There are 25 years old who are single and at the top of their career.
There are 25 years old who are widowed.
There are 25 years old who are divorced.
There are 25 years old who are single and are in debt beyond belief.
There are 25 years old who are single and barely can sustain a job.
There are 25 years old who are single and still trying to start a career and find a job.
There are 25 years old who are married but can barely pay rent and put food on the table.

And the fucking list goes on....

One thing I despise and I can’t stand and the reason I am a bit preposterous to everything in this world is because of this comparison. I despise it. I despise it. I despise it. I fucking despise being compared to other people. All my life I have been compared to other people and I am sick of it. Why aren’t you like this? Why aren’t you like that?

Age is just a number. It’s just a reminder for us and that’s it.
This is me.. JUST FUCKING ME!!!
UUrgggh!!!!!!!!!

Don try to be a diva..

2008-09-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

Have people ever heard of ethics? Have people ever heard of politeness?
The internet world has made it easy for stupid unethical people to voice their opinions. Like seriously, I have to deal with the idiots. Damn you idiots.

Let me stamp this in that tiny brain of yours.
1. You cannot comment on my site. It will not be shown to the entire world because I have to approve it first. And I will not approve you insulting me. You are automatically spam.

2. The more you try to do it, the more my spam filter will like you. If my stupid filter is acting stupid just like you, then I will just ban your IP. If you have a dynamic IP in a certain range, then I will ban the entire range and I don’t care who else is on it.

3. The more you insult me or try to contact me, I will simply email you back, (that’s if you were courteous enough to actually provide me with a real email), and I will give you my view point about your comment. It won’t be pretty. I am pretty mean and I don’t think twice when I say you are a puny brained dumb ass that lives in a dumpster and eats garbage.

God! It has been such a long day and this post took me too long to write. I want the 7 minutes of my life back!!

Are you?

2008-09-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the song "Gold Digger" on youtube. The song was nice. It was a great tune. I felt like dancing while standing despite me havin a fever.. Hahaha! Oh ya, So I sat down thinking about it. Why are girls stereotyped as gold diggers? Aren’t guys sometimes too?. I know that girls are much better at it. They are pros at using guys for money, but for me I can never ever in a million years want a woman for her money. I am way past that point. I was never at that point.

I like working for myself. Actually, anyone giving me a gift would make my day! If I want something, I don’t wait for someone to get it for me, I get it myself! I make my own decisions and I don’t rely on anyone! I never did and I never will!

I have talked to some guys who do complain about the fact that a girl may have agreed to get engaged to them because of the job and money they have. That’s it, and once a better (richer) guy comes along, they leave the poor guy hanging like he was a worn out pair of shoes! I seen it a lot!

It’s sad. This happens a lot in all societies. Girls are not innocent. I am not trying to bash girls, but I am stating the obvious. 50% of women only go after guys for their money! That’s it. And the girls who work for them selves and make a life for themselves are the ones who really don’t care too much about guys and are usually unsuccessful in keeping a relationship because they focus more on their career and life than worrying about a guy.

I just wish there was a good middle ground. No gold digging, and no full independence. I wish I can just merge the two together.

P.S: I will never be a gold digger. I am rich…. with self confidence.. muwahahahaaaa!

U're such a WIMP!

2008-09-13T03:00:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has ever been in a loving relationship can tell that it is not always birds singing and sunshine. There are occasionally those stormy days. Being in a loving relationship means that both people love one another as they love their self. It takes both of those people to make that relationship work, just one person is not strong enough to do it all.

To make the other person feel love we need to appreciate them just as you feel loved when you are appreciated. Each of us feels appreciated differently. We feel love from a compliment, a kind act, a gift, physical affection, or by spending time with the other.

And if the other party don seem to give a damn abt the relationship, time to give them the flick..
Oh mein gott!! Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love, that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you.

DON FUCKING LIE TO ME!

2008-09-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

I am the type of person who will blurt out my opinion when asked and I never think twice about a situation that involves friendship. When people ask me how many friends I got, I use my right hand and count them. I don’t care and I don’t need to lie or make up numbers or deny being friends with someone so others won’t know who.

Some people I know really have this issue with friendship. Who are their friends? Why do they have to lie about who they are friends with? Why are they hiding it and then make up stories of how much they fight or piss off this person, and yet, they are buddy buddy and hang out together all the time. Why is friendship becoming a secrecy? It was usually the boyfriend/girlfriend scenario that people tried to deny all the time for so many reasons that was “understood.”

I just don’t get it. You are friends with this person, don’t lie to me about it and say you are not or you are fighting or whatever thinking I will get hurt by your “friendship” with them. I honestly don’t care. Lying about it makes me wonder if you lie to others about me being a friend to you as well or you even consider me as one.

I wish people learn this crazy wild idea that they tend to ignore all the time; HONESTY!
Dammit!

Nursing a broken heart

2008-09-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

"One sided love" - Every time I hear or read that phrase I quiver in my seat and think of what I did to my life. You can ask so many people if they were ever in a one-sided love relationship, and they would say yes. Others may argue that there is no such thing as one-sided love. Love has to be mutual. Fuck! I disagree with that.

Love is not mutual. Not all the time. Sometimes people pretend to love you for various unknown selfish reasons, and you think it is mutual love. Sometimes people pretend to love you because they just need the company and to show off. Once you see any sign of this happening in a relationship, the other person is being used and abused emotionally. Then you automatically know that the relationship will end soon and become a long lasting what if.

What if? *singgers*

I think I am having a bad day. I think it has to do with my newly single status. Heh! Been listening to Rihanna's "CRY". This is my fav song from rihanna. The reason why is because i look at msuic as away to express my feelings and emotions.. and this song did that. everyone has gone through this.. and it hurts but it gets better. And Leona Lewis told us that it will get "BETTER IN TIME"..

Arrgh... I need a hug...

Another rambling

2008-09-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

I see life from a different aspect now, I loved and wasn’t loved, I didn’t love and was loved… I realized it is not easy to keep in touch with people when the commons that connects us has broken. Take my friends at schjool. Most of them are friends simply because we are classmates or we were forced to be in one study group. We mostly do not have anything in common besides the major we study.

It is kind of sad because I got to know them over few years and as a class, we were such amazing people… I had the best times mocking teachers, mocking at other students and stuffs.. Thinking about that and losing them, is just sad.

You later realize that they (friends,) became your family. Because you were far from yours and you got used to seeing your friends daily, over coffee, exams, a movie, gathering or even partying out like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone of us has a different character, from the weirdo to the metro to the dancer… all different! until we start sharing something in common.

Overall, Friendships are fragile. One disagreement can be like a pair of scissors can cut them. And the sad part is that everyone knows that but decide to let the scissors cut anyway..

Where is the love

2008-09-06T03:27:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was at a toilet in a shopping centre when I noticed an elderly woman with a bent and crooked back trying to clean the floor. I find this scene to be a sad reflection of society here, one that is played out daily in numerous shopping centres.

Although cleaning toilets is easy to learn, it is far from pleasant, given the bad toilet habits of Singaporeans. Besides this, it is a job that may be hazardous for the elderly, who are more likely to suffer serious fractures should they slip on the wet toilet floor rite?

It is shameful when we see our govt throwing money all over the world, when elderly citizens have to suffer the indignity of struggling for a living washing toilets. This is more than just sad, it is downright SHAMEFUL.

I just feel fucking sad whenver i see all these old folks slogging so hard washing the toliets, distributing flyers and stuffs..

Whatever happened to the values of humanity? Whatever happened to the fairness and equality?

i m a bastard

2008-09-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i feel that i m a jinx. Because of me, people got sick got scolded...
Its because i m too demanding, meeting every night with people who cant really stay up late..

And because of this, people got sick.. I'm so insensitive... Sometimes, i just wanna make that someone happy.. To be there whenever u need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear.. I wanna make people ard me to be happy cos seeing their happy faces is enuff for me..

Thats all.. Is it too much of me to ask for? Do u all find me heng fan??

Ok ok.. i know..

I M JUST ONE FUCKING BASTARD...

Feeling so fucked up...

2008-09-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

What’s wrong with being nice? What’s wrong with being loving? What’s wrong with being true to yourself?

“But you’re being too nicey, nicey. You’re not perfect, you’re only human!”

I beg to differ. Actually, it is our nature to be good and loving and nice. Everyone at some point has experienced loving another without wanting anything in return. Everyone has been nice just because it felt good to be nice. But if you persecute someone because he or she is too nice….well you are not appreciating what you are.

There’s nothing wrong with being nice. There’s nothing wrong with being good. There’s nothing wrong with being loving. There’s nothing wrong with being yourself, who is good and loving and nice.

I remembered Fred told me being too nice is not good.. Why is there lots of contradictions here?!!

Being nice is just me.. Just the FARKING ME.. MY OWN TRUE SELF..

No offence to anybody (pun intended)

2008-09-04T04:26:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, whenever there is a breakup, it's sually never mutual. The one who initiated the breakup moves on faster than the one who didn't. So, after a relationship ends, it's either you go on separate way or choose to have the "Let's Stay Friends" compromise. But hor can lovers really turn into good friends after that?

If u ask me, I am for remaining friends from a respectable distance that is. When most couples break up, it is not usually because both agree that they are not right for one another. It usually is one person chooses not to be with the other, for what ever reason. If that reason for splitting is an honest decision based on an irrepairable or adjustable behavior, the other party may feel that they were not worth changing the behavior that was disturbing, Therefore, a bit of resentment might always be in the picture.

If the breakup was due to mistrust, well then why would someone want to remain friends with a person they don't trust.' Remaining Friends' can mean different things to different people. Only you can determine how you define a friendship with an ex..

No one wants to lose someone that they truly love or care about. I guess the question really should be...Can a person honestly be open to a healthy life or new relationship, if they make the decision to remain friends with someone they once had intimacy with.

Broken trust will never allow a real friendship after a relationship is over. My answer, probably NOT.

A Bad Day!!!

2008-09-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

Received a reply from the potential employer.
"We regret to inform you that your application was not succesful. However we wish you all the best in your futur endeavours."

Like what the fuck? I'm kinda surprised. Here's another rude wake-up call. Am I not good enough? Am i not qualified enough? I'm so sick and tired of rejections. Made me start to think of my shortcomings. Maybe I was too cocky? Too confident? Complacent? Just simply not good enough as I think I was?

But then again this job was a few notches below what I thought I was made of. Somewhat a downgrade. But I wasn't successful still. Like what the.. Even stooping to a lower level was not appropriate for me. I'm really confused. If only I was given the chance, the opportunity to shine. Sigh. Then again, life goes on.

They say u gotta learn to survive a defeat and thats when one develop a chracther.. Alas.. It wasn't to be. DAMMIT!!!

A new start, a new Beginning

2008-09-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

So at long last I decided to create a new blog. Hahaha! Nothing better to do? Possibly. Lolz!!
So now I understand what blogs are all about. Blogs are actually windows for nosy people to peep into. Blogs are 'interesting' episodes of one's life for busybodies to keep track of.
Damn this feels ala The Truman Show.

My advise to nosey readers, do not stop reading. Cos if you do it's a bit stupid for bloggers to blog as they actually desire people to read their opinions and thoughts. But do read with an open mind. You might stumble upon your name mentioned by chance. Bask in the glory of publicity. Remember bad or good publicity is still publicity. At least you're worth mentioning. So do not open the pandora's box if you can't handle the truth. Whatever it is.

I better stop now cos this constant typing numbs my fingers actually.